In Honor of Ruby...Day One Almost Failure

Ok, I did not get to bed until around midnight last night so when the alarm went off at 5:30am for me to start my exercise program, I hit snooze until 6am. I couldn't help it, I was sooooooo tired.

I got up and got ready and knowing today is trash day I had to carry out about 4 bags. I thought if I get out there by 6:40am it will be ok because they normally don't come until between 7am-7:30am. Imagine my surprise when taking my daily pills and I hear him round the corner. I bolt out the door...punch the garage door open, grab all 4 bags in my arms and go dashing outside in my dress shoes. The bastard had already passed my house! So here I go...down our big hill and down the street chasing after him. I had no other choice! With the holidays coming up the trash had to go and setting it out at night is just not an option because the animals get in it and spread it all over the neighborhood. I had to run 2 blocks in my nice shoes, in the cold to finally catch him. I was out of breath and pretty sure I was about to have heart failure. I managed to wheeze, "You came early today." He said, "Yep." He must not have strange women chase down his truck very often...I go walking back up the street, then up the hill and hop in my car to head to work.

Ruby, whether I liked it or not I did get my exercise in today!

In Honor Of Ruby...

I don't know if any of you have seen this show on Style tv yet, but it is amazing. It is about a woman named Ruby and her struggle to lose weight. When the show starts she weighs 477 lbs. The love of her life left her because he could not deal with her weight issues and she can no longer work. They follow Ruby through her everyday struggles and temptations.

As a person that has struggled with my weight my whole life, I can really relate to Ruby. They show people making fun of her or looking at her as she walks past them, it just breaks your heart.

On the show, four months have passed and Ruby has now lost 60 lbs. So in honor of Ruby's great accomplishment, I myself will be dragging my rump out of bed every morning 30 minutes earlier to do some sort of exercise. Yep, starting tomorrow I will be up at 5:30am and will be doing something at least.

If you have a chance try to catch Ruby's show. It is on a 5am Sunday mornings. No, I am not up that early, I have to set the Tivo but the show is so inspiring you must watch! So go home tonight, find the Style tv channel and set up the Tivo to record every episode.

Heading to Oklahoma Tomorrow

My dad has not been in good health the past few years. He had a heart valve replaced last year and I have not seen him since I traveled to Tennessee to be there with him for the surgery. The doctors still have not cleared him to drive and he doesn't like flying so he is having my cousin drive him over to Oklahoma and we will all meet at my sister's house tomorrow.

I always look forward to seeing my dad but we have a strange relationship. I hate his wife. She is evil. She is not coming on this trip so this should be like a party for me. Also, there is the little detail that my father doesn't know I am a lesbian. I mean, I am sure he has figured it out by now, but we don't discuss it. I remember the names he would call my older lesbian cousin when I was growing up. So I just don't get too close to him at all. It is sad because before my parents divorced we were very close.

So here on my blog, in celebration of the evil step monster not being on the trip I promise to attempt to show my dad how much I love him and try to bond with him. I however cannot come out to him so you won't get me to promise that one!

Wish me luck!

The Move is OFF For Now

Seems she got everything worked out and will hopefully not be moving to Montana anytime soon. Feeling much better about all of that today.

Work was terrible. I don't think I have ever been so close to giving two weeks notice in my life. This old goat they put in charge of us is so dumb. Makes us do all these dumb things that only cause more work and accomplish nothing. I am beyond frustrated. I let it show a little today.

I had just got in the door and he comes over saying we are having a meeting at 8:30. Every morning he is bugging me about something. It just drives me nuts. But today really irritated me because we tell our drivers to call in between 8am-10am to let us know where they are. So why would you schedule a meeting from 8:30-9:30????????????????? SO I said something about it. He got all mad and stomped into his office. A little later he sent a lovely e-mail to everyone saying that since I was so concerned about my drivers we would not have the meeting until 10:30am. Nice. It made me insanely mad. So mad I almost went to give 2 weeks notice. Then of course I get all the thoughts of the shitty economy, having no healthcare and Christmas just around the corner. I will tolerate a little longer, but soon I will be moving away anyways if the g/f can get things worked out over there. I think the day I leave there it will be like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

Almost 2am...So Tired That I Can't Sleep

The g/f called to go over this fiasco for probably about the 100th time today. I think I have convinced her that this is nothing to quit a job over. She seemed better when we got off the phone but I suppose we will see what today brings.

I passed out at 9:15pm from all the drama of the day and now look at the time...yes just about 2am and I am wide awake. I think this whole thing has made me take a step back and look at my relationship and whether or not I am with a person that is stable and if this is how I want to live my life. I think when she comes home for Thanksgiving we are in for a very long talk. I don't want to quit my job in the spring to move up there just to have something else go wrong and I am off moving again to God knows where. Am I being unreasonable?????

I hope I can go back to sleep...

Moving Again????????????

I don't even want to go into all the details with what is going on with my g/f but she called me freaking out today about her new job. There are two people there that hate her and are making things extremely difficult. This is not a situation where you can just ignore it and hope it goes away. She has to work with these folks closely.

So she calls me at lunch today to tell me that she has sent in her resume to yet another job in...........get this............MONTANA!

As much as it pains me, I may have to put my foot down this time. Back in 2004 I sold my house for next to nothing just to get out of it to move with her to Colorado. We were there 2.5 years and she decides she needs to go home to take care of her mother that just had open heart surgery. Understandable. She moves in with her mom in Washington and I move back home to Missouri. We were apart for a year and she moved back here for a job. We had been remodeling her house for me to move in with her when she up and decides to take this other job out of state. I told her to go, make sure she likes it and if all is good I will move up there with her in the spring. I guess now it looks like I made a good decision not to quit my job and move with her like she wanted me to.

I don't think I could handle living in Montana. I love her so very much but I just don't think I can continue picking up and moving every 2 years or less to make this relationship work. I was just reading Real Live Lesbian's post about her brunch and football party and I thought to myself I have always wanted to do something like that but the majority of my cookbooks are still packed in boxes in my garage, along with most of my cooking dishes and I have hardly any furniture because I never bought anything really nice because I did not want it to get ruined with all the times I move around. I have football parties that consist of ordering Dominos pizza and most of my guests have to sit on the floor.

So I am sad tonight because I know if she cannot get things worked out with her new job, she will quit and move to Montana and I don't think I have it in me to move again.

Dysfunctional Family Weekend

My family, like most families these days is pretty dysfunctional. I am the barely accepted lesbian, my sister is perfect in the eyes of my parents because she pooped out a kid and my parents have been divorced for almost 30 years. My father re-married a woman I cannot stand. My father has been in very bad health the past few years. Pretty much sums it up.

Ok, so I get a call on Friday morning from sister saying she and her family are coming down for a visit this weekend. Whatever happened to a little warning???? Then she mentioned she had spoken to my father and he would like to have someone drive him to this part of the country for a visit. Great. She asked which weekend would work for me and I told her next weekend.

She shows up Friday night around 8pm and has brought her husband! Normally when she comes to visit she just brings her daughter and we have a good time. I cannot explain why I do not like her husband. I seriously get along with just about everyone. When he opens his mouth, it is like nails on a chalkboard to me. He sleeps until noon, has lunch and then passes out again on the couch for hours. He is possibly the laziest person I have ever met. He does nothing to help my mom out unless she point blank asks for it. So, needless to say I was less than thrilled.

Saturday night I had ordered up the Lesnar/Couture UFC fight on PPV and invited over my boys to watch with me. My sister had said they were going to take my niece to a movie because they knew she would want to hang out with me and they did not want her watching fighting. I knew that they would be back around 9:30-10pm due to the time the movie started. What I never dreamed would happen is that my brother-in-law would just waltz into my house and plop down to watch the fights. Let me mention that my mother lives right next door. She was watching college football. Why on earth would he be so rude as to walk over and just come in?? It was a mood killer. We had been having so much fun until then. He sat there the rest of the night making stupid comments and ruining everything. Disaster. I wanted to stab him.

Today rolls around and I get a phone call from my father letting me know he was coming to visit me next weekend??? Last I had heard I was to drive to Oklahoma where my sister lives and would be meeting them there. He said, "Oh no, I want to drive through *&$^# and visit Gus." Gus is my mother's brother. She hates him about as much as she hates my father. Gus was in Nashville with one of his numberous girlfriends and decided to drive over to see my father. So now my father feels they are best friends and wants to visit him here. So my mother hears the whole conversation and is livid. "Why is that stupid son of a bitch visiting MY brother??? Did I ever go over there to visit HIS sister or HIS family????" This starts major drama and my sister's family packed it up pretty quickly and left. WHY COULD THIS NOT HAVE HAPPENED YESTERDAY???? Ahhhhhhhhhh!

So next weekend, I get the thrill of being around my brother in law yet again AND having my father royally piss off my mother. WHY ME???????????????????????????????????????